I’ve Become… 2

I Have Become

I have become somebody that my younger self would be proud of. The road to who I am today was not the most ideal, having made many wrong decisions in my past, but I believe that it is those decisions that had to be made, in order for me to learn my lessons. Growing up in a broken family, the parental guidance that was supposed to be offered by one’s mom and dad, were not offered to me. I took advantage of my mom’s trust, beginning when I entered mid school. I hung out with the wrong crowd, the same generic cliché that starts every teenage story. By the time I left middle school, the majority of boys were either ranked into gangs, or sold drugs. Some girls became pregnant before their fourteenth birthday, left to raise their child alone. I however, managed to remain gang free and child free, but I deviled in my fair share of parties and sneaking out. This sort of teenage ignorance carried with me into high school, and I believe it still hasn’t completely left me. Although I had a hard start, I managed to somewhat escape temptation, and get myself back into reality. Today I can definitely say that I’ve “grown up.” I live a life surrounded by great friends, and family, and my focus lies in academics and someday moving across to ocean to London, England.

~SN
Becoming

1. How do I tell young lovers the
things I have never said?
Intimacy is not learned from
over thinking
or by watching the tide
kiss the moon
in a lover’s arms.
My attempts at romance
dried up with Lake Erie
and disappeared with
my dignity.
2. I am a Ponderosa Pine tree,
the shelter over your home.
I am timber for the fire.
I am too forgiving
to the men that burn
my body as firewood.
Igniting young lover’s names
and carvings
and nature.

3. How do I tell young lovers
the things I have never said?
Inside the shaky hand
hearts carved
into a notion of ‘forever.’
How naive these
lovers are.

4. I am a drought.
A fire hazard.
I don’t miss the rain,
but I forgive.
Against the wisdom
in the veins of crisp
pin needles,
it is in my nature to forgive
reckless young men.

5. I am too forgiving
to the boy shaming
his father’s reflection on the dock.
They share the same face,
same stillness,
same stubbornness.
But this boy ignores his father’s
peaceful nature
for the chill in his chest.
He uses my history and carvings
too keep himself warm
on cold nights.

6. Some things are not supposed last.
Some carvings are not supposed
to be permanent.
But some do.
But most are.

I have become too forgiving.
But not enough
to forget.

~AN 

I Have Become A Man 

I have become a Man through what I do and what I have done.

What I have done is stayed afloat on a sinking ship;

Before I built this ship under a scorching sun.

Where broken spirits were the equivalent of a cracked lip.

When the ship did give it out, it sank into the ground.

I sat and looked at the rubble in its natural state,

Yet understood that this wreckage was bound.

I rose from the mess and wiped a clean slate.

I began to pick up the pieces, carefully and slowly.

Collecting the fragments turned into an art,

Where I had soon transformed into a meek and lowly.

Through all I’ve seen, this is where I found my heart.

I rebuilt the ship that had taken me so far.

It took years and seemed much like a waste,

But there was no waste found when healing a scar.

The presence of this ship many have graced.

I hereafter devoted my life to searching lost souls.

Lost in the sea of what we call society;

The poor creature waits for the ship it extols.

All any of them want is the virtue of piety.

It’s been twenty years since I’ve been on this ship,

And only five years since that fatal slip.

I ask of you follow me during this time as an indenture,

Because together we may complete this essential adventure.

~MA

2 comments

  1. AN,
    I really like your craft of images. 2. and 4. really speak to me. This reminds me of Gary Snyder’s Turtle Island Poems which is nice. Thanks! –1LP

  2. MA,
    Interesting idea. I find the line “But there was no waste found when healing a scar.” intriguing since to me a scar is the healing and it seems you posit that there is a greater healing of even that. –1LP

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