I’m just like any other
troubled teenage girl.
I chose to run the streets
and acted as if drugs were
my world never really
knew what I had until
it was gone. and everyday
I fiend, cuz I haven’t hit the
bubble in so long. deep
inside I know what I’ve
been doing was wrong.
but if it ain’t right, can
I put down my wrongs
and change them
into a song…
Living in all this struggle.
Cuz in my hood you got to hustle
if you want to get what you think
you need. but it’s
really for what you fiend
I’m steady pouring out that vapor
Just making my heart bleed.
To calm my nerves.
I’m writing down my words.
I used to slang dope.
from green, black, to coke.
So that I could cope,
now I’m stuck in Juvie
using Bob Barker’s soap.
but now, I see that this
was my sign that
made me change my mind
So I’m done with this life of crime.
But I’m still in the end gonna
get mine. When I get out
I’m going to get a job.
Going to work hard.
and not gonna rob or
smoke another stone. Maybe
get a two story house or a legit
cellphone. And call
my auntie and tell her “hi.”
I will never again leave my family’s side.
I don’t wanna cry anymore.
But I ain’t going to lie, I used to
pack glocks and sell rocks
even straight running from the cops.
Trying to keep stacked up on that guap.
yeah, I’ve witnessed the scene, steady
stackin’ did what I had to do
even held it down for my crew,
but now this game has changed on me.
And I’m askin’ people to pray for me.
Now I’m livin’ in this cage my mind
is going insane.
I got homies livin’ for when they
release me from my chains.
I am a broken heart tryin’ to pick up pieces and
start all over see I don’t want people to see
past my cover ’cause I am an abused lover and no
I don’t mean sex but love I am wishing on the
clouds above wishing I was a white dove that could
fly away but my feet are too stuck so i have to
stay and just on my bed lay I am a weeping girl in
a cold world tryin’ to find out who I am but doing
it to please myself is a scam ’cause…
I keep praying for miracles but
they never happen.
yes inside my heart
it hurts that life for me
I wish I could be smart like
No one knows the
pain I go through. I wanna
taste the free air of life not
hate. If I knew I was ready
for this I would feel life.
I want to learn more things
I wanna break free from
the hurt. I want people to treat
others as they would wanna
be treated. When life shows you
light you go to it. The feelings
I have hurt…
I dream that one day I will be a better person
by being successful not doing drugs having a better
relationship with my parent with my brothers
my sisters and my wonderful boyfriend.
I have so much people that care and I care that they care
but I realized that I should care about it if my
parents care or not. I finally opened my eyes and
The reason why I act like the junk yard dog that intimidates
All acts of life it smiles of kindness
it growls and mean mugs
I proceed with caution
I love and know it’s time to learn
like scars I wear like badges of honor of time
I left my guard down and been attacked from all sides
Love to me is like a game
I win at it a couple of times
then all of a sudden a new trick comes out
So then I hear growls
the redness covers my eyes
like captives in a whore house
Why did I become a person I despise
the reason I didn’t learn my ABC’s in school
I learned how to load my heart with hate
and gun with bullets
my thoughts with lies
so that’s the reason you don’t lock eyes
with his locked up mistried
under loved but
Life is Always Hard
When you look at me and you look into my
eyes what do you see
Do you see me in disguise or do you wonder
does this man ever cry
or pay his dues or even pay his ties
I go to church as often
as I can everybody knows it’s hard not to sin
So I reminisce and I start to remember
the things I went through were harder than ever
but then I realized
there was someone by my side the whole time
and I wasn’t going to die
I never gave up when I was at my lowest point
I kept going even thought I wasn’t showing
my brothers from a younger day
how to get their pay I never understood why
the fuck I had to stay they put me through
hell I was always in a cage they never gave
me a chance to turn the next page.
Life is always hard always hard harder than
life can break you down can make you frown
like a lost fish in the sea.
Sitting here caught up in my messed up thoughts
and my bad understanding not knowing why I
can’t be free taken hostage by people that don’t
even know who I really am.
These people known as the system
as I sit here in this place I know as hell
some call it home or even jail.
Blinded like a bat in the light of day ’cause not
knowing what your fate is can be pretty painful
laying in my bunk at night thinking about my
little ones and my family.
Wondering how they’re making it out there
in the world without me is heart breaking
alone thinking back on all the fucked up mistakes
I made in life knowing I can’t go back and
change none of them now I sit hoping I can
get out of this shit hole.
So I can make up for all the lost time
is the question.
As I sit patiently in hopes of one day being
freed so I can have the chance to ask God
and my loved ones for their forgiveness because
tomorrow is never promised.
Rain rain go away go away won’t you
come back another day another day
When my family needed me the most I was gone
on a dark and lonely road lonely road
I tried to call out for help but there was none
It’s like the Lord turned his back on his son
So then I turned to the streets and smoked some
drugs even though it was a small relief it wasn’t love
I needed me some money so robbery made it easy for
me in these streets I had to eat
Now I’m locked down
in MDC nowhere to go but the only place inside of me
my lonely soul.
So many say these are the last days so I pray
to the Lord would show us better days
All these drugs she can’t refrain she so insane sex for money is
the only thang that keeps her sane.
All these demons lurking in these streets their so mean.
I hope my death wont be in vain
to me can’t meet death
Revelations promise perilous times
how many times will we cheat and steal
and live our lives with endless lies
Are we ever going to wake up and change up
search our souls for the real in us
what it means to love
People try to come and tempt me but I’m too strong
I could never give consent to them
I know they wrong.
I’m stuck behind these behind these bars.
Because of these scars on my arms.
I stab myself over and over cuz’ you say I’ll
and late nights, I think of you, dream of you
I thought you loved me like I did you.
Even though I’ll see you with all my friends.
I didn’t care as long as I was next, on your
But over time I started to see, you never cared for me.
I stole from my family, just to keep you around.
All the dirt I did just to prove I was down. for
Now my lil’ brother’s crying asking why, I always run
Back to you.
you would love to see me die.
I often wonder why, I can’t let you go.
I am stuck in your spell it never fails.
When you call for me I go running.
now my family hugging, onto me not wanting
to let go.
I promise and say it wont be
the same as the last time.
but now you put me back in this place, that I hate.
And you nowhere to be found.
Without you I’m sick.
I hate how I put myself through this shit.
I pick up the spoon and pull back with no
Hoping this is the shot that puts me to death
I often say I won’t go back but you just
sit back and laugh.
With an open hand, knowing I’ll be back ’cause
Everyone always said I wasn’t shit but
you stayed by my side.
even when the demons had me mesmerized.
I stole from you even though I never really
The demons had me convinced I couldn’t let
But you were there at the starting line.
ready to fight for your son’s life.
Even though everyone gave up on me but you
I never understood, why not.
With your sleepless nights I feel like shit.
When I think of you laying in bed and crying.
Hoping you won’t get the phone call that I’m dying.
I thought I knew it all.
When I needed you, you were just across the hall
I took it for granted.
And now I wish I was sitting on the couch with
I now get upset knowing the path I chose
has you so far
in the mid-night where the monsters lurk you
nowhere to call
I’m sorry for all the hurt I caused
Please don’t ever give up on me I’ll always
love you mom
I’ve been feeling low, real low
like when Big George
knocked down Smokin’ Joe.
Down goes Frazier
Down goes Frazier
Down goes Frazier
My thoughts are running
wild, running tick tick tick tick
can’t think can’t breathe someone help me
Maybe I should just let go
I don’t know, how high or low
Low I think I have
vertigo. Someone help me
I’m spinning out of control.
I feel as low as I can go.
As the days grow colder, the chip
on my shoulder continues to grow.
Why must I be like this? Only
While this storm inside me, builds
day by day.
All I can say, is stay the fuck
out of my way.
On a path of destruction, I’m
Don’t know if there’s time, to
turn it around.
The path I’m on has been nothing
Constant struggles, that are
filled with shame.
With each minute that passes
I struggle to breathe.
The life that I’ve lived you
would never believe.
I’m surrounded by violence, drugs,
sex and greed.
I watched killings some beat
within inches of their life.
I guess they learned, the
love of money comes with
People say, I’m cruel and
filled with rage.
I’m just misunderstood
trapped in this cage.
In this cage, I have made
If I don’t change I’ll die